Archive for November 2010

An open letter to Artie Lange.


You don’t know me. You really don’t. I’ll wager you don’t know a thing about me.

That really doesn’t make a difference to me, however, it matters to me that I mention it.

I don’t owe you a thing, and at the same time, you don’t me a thing either.

However, things have changed recently, and I hope you kinda get this.

I just saw that movie you made a few years ago. It was called “Beer League”. Not gonna lie. It was definately a low budget movie. You know what though? It made me laugh. I’m not gonna lie. I don’t think you did a good job as an actor. But I think you did a great job of being funny. That’s what counts though, right?

Alright, let’s be square. I feel I need to contact you briefly, for some quick vague reasons.

1. I have spent all day watching documentaries of varies comedians. The first was about Don Rickles. The second was about Richard Pryor. After dealing with those assholes, I kinda feel like I know a thing or two about being funny. Those guys were funny. I also watched Caddy Shack tonight. That was funny. You… you’re funny. Seriously.

2. I have lost chances to tell very special people in my life that I was thankful for what they did for me. A few friends. A few family members. A few artists.I really regret the fact that I never told them “thanks”.

3. I don’t pay much attention to “celebrity news”, but I heard your name mentioned. Seems like you got into trouble. Cool, whatever, I don’t judge anyone. Whatever. Everyone makes mistakes and that should in no way be held against you. Or anyone for that matter.

4. Short, but to the point and honest. You’re just plain awesome. An honest laugh has been hard to come by and in times like these, they’re much appreciated. Thank you.

Four good reasons to contact you. They all make sense to me. If you kinda mix them up. They are related.

So really, after mentioning all of that, I wanna say one thing.


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